In My More Slowly Disappearing Hand

by The Hoborchestra

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released January 1, 2007

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Track Name: In My More Slowly Disappearing Hand
its all in your head
everything you despise
its all in your head
your untimely demise
all thats yours was once mine

the world is not dead
you can see it with your eyes
its all in your head
all this trouble with time
just repeat after me
i cant pretend, i am who i am

so smile for christs sake
the end isnt near
and everyone you need to know is here

dont believe it was his fate
its alright to cry
it shouldnt have to be that you live and he dies

you write all your speeches at the start of the day
but when there's ears to hear
you search for what to say
but you are the keystone
most stable of all
but this age has decayed you
and i fear one day you'll fall
and lay amidst the remains
of your glory days

what would your father say
and how can you rest
when with your dirty hands
you accept money in exchange for death

you could swim in the nickels and dimes to pass the time
but could you ever be loved again before you die

just repeat after me
i can't pretend
i am who i am
Track Name: A Second's Worth of Breath
well i've been thinking about you for days
i think i heard somebody say your name
but by my second wind you had left
and i stayed
so a seconds worth of breath
it remains
i've come to expect nothing less

well i've been walking around the streets more
looking at houses - wondering which one is yours
its a weekday and you're wearing a skirt
over shorts
i'm a weekends worth of work
then i'm yours
i swear i won't be as big of a jerk
as i've been before

so i've been thinking about you for days
picturing those drawings i saw you make
or what you were reading about
when you sat on stage
but a seconds worth of breath
it remains
oh a seconds worth of breath
it remains
Track Name: Tarmac in Alaska
i want to know if you're alive
because it'd make me better inside
oh the years keep adding up
and now its been one since we sat at the seaside
i want to know if you're still breathing
because your insides are closest to mine
and i still need to pay you back
for the french lunch we had in the sunshine

you sat on tarmac in Alaska
so i slept on the sidewalk until you arrived
when you're mom got worried
you told her i'd be fine

i brought a Tuborg drinking horn
wrapped in newspaper to Washington
a little piece of Denmark
i found for you in Oregon
Track Name: The Table and The Cup
sometimes its good to say out loud
"nothing has happened"
that i feel weary and chilled is of no consequence
and that i run about the streets all day
is of my own conscience

i defend myself although i know it's all over
a moment more and everything will have lost its meaning
the table and the cup and the chair to which i'm clinging

mine is a lonely face i thought to raise
and sought for some familiar thing
for someone i'd once seen
but there was nothing there

there will come a day when my hand is far from me
and when i bid it to write
it will write words i don't mean
when my harp is tuned to mourning
and my organ the voice of the weeping

with a somnambulic certainty
i drag back my deepest fears
a childhood illness i had conquered
begins in me again
the fear that i might betray myself
and tell you all that i dread

mine is a lonely face i thought to raise
and sought for some familiar thing
for someone i'd once seen
but there was nothing there
and if i fall asleep
the fears the fears the fears
that i might swallow a piece of coal
or a number might begin to grow
in my brain
until there's nothing left there
Track Name: A Life Learning Languages
don't say "i love you too"
because then all i could do for you
is gladden or give you pain
between your hope and suspicion
before your blame or praise
and on me alone with the shine of the light
the shame of having a face
have i not had nearly one hundred times
only to promise not to die

i have begun my long love to god
that quiet and aimless chore
it's a life learning languages
but you create nonsense and nothing more
the lumpy lead of patience
is a long road from the swift happiness of gold
to take all this once more upon myself
i, the estranged, return home